"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."

--Me . . . okay, it's really Psalm 118:17, but I've said it too

 

Welcome to Project Don't Die. As you can already see by the opening quote, the name is ill-fitted. Perhaps Project Live would be more suitable, but how would you know whether to pronounce that 'i' long or short? Also, despite the fact that the logo looks like some scrappy youth group t-shirt design, or that it could be the title of some awful Jerry Bruckheimer film, this is my biggest project to-date.

I have been working on Project Don't Die, well darn it, just about my whole life now--just little bits at a time, then erasing and making modifications and not really getting anywhere. Well, I am now pleased to say that progress is finally being made.

At first Project Don't Die was going to be a diversion including, but not limited to, repeatedly updating my website, editing together videos, practicing Flash animation, brushing up on my foreign languages, or basically anything to keep my mind off of being in a cramped hospital for a month during my second bone marrow transplant. I then asked myself, why is it that being diagnosed with leukemia and spending so much time in the hospital has not yet been a life-changing experience? Why am I not different? Does anyone know? I didn't either really, but I decided to return to a project that I'd left a while ago. That project being my relationship with Jesus.

During that hospital stay and the following months of my life, I have definitely found the change I was looking for. I kept busy only with mending my relationship with Jesus, but I also vowed not to stop there. I now want everyone to know how it has changed me. I have found an abundance of peace, joy, security, comfort, contentment, and a deeper love and appreciation for others that I never have experienced in my life thus far. I don't see this project wrapping up any time soon, but I will still update my message board and this page periodically as to what books I'm reading and what I've learned/am learning. I guess if any of you want to help me out with my project, just do what you're already doing and pray for me. Pray that God continues to reveal himself to me, because He already has! That's all.

 

Books I've read recently:

Wild at Heart - John Eldredge (great for guys)

The Case for Christ - Lee Strobel

The Case for Faith - Lee Strobel (great for those with intellectual objections to Christianity)

The Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis (creative heaven and hell imagery)

Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis (great explanation of the core of Christianity)

The Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning (in progress)

 

Thoughts:

I've also been contemplating Psalm 30 a lot in my prayers and reading. The authorship is traditionally attributed to or for King David or a king in the Davidic line, and it says in verses 8 and 9 of the NIV translation:

To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.

I have in the same way been pleading my case to God, wondering how my death might serve His will more than my life ever could. In this I have been careful not to plead my right to live based on my talents or my self-determined merit, but instead I recognize that it would be only by grace and under the condition of service to Him that He allow me to continue living. I have also been mulling over a related question lately. At which point (if it exists?) would "enough" trust/faith in His ultimate, perfect will completely balance the scale weighing my desires to live or to die?